You Can Never Outrun Change!



Posted: Monday, July 23, 2007

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The ability to adapt to changes in one’s life is what makes the human species so great. I think the majority of people detest change, myself included. I tend to be a creature of habit, my routines as familiar to me as a lover’s embrace. But change is inevitable and it comes in a variety of ways.

Some changes are quick. I lost my job in 2001 and became a stay at home parent, just like that. I didn’t exactly embrace this change. After all, this was a big change for a man that defined himself by his job. I was unsure of how to go about it. However, I found a routine that worked for me and grew into my new role. Where once I was defined by my work outside the home, I ended up redefining myself into a stay at home dad. In doing so, I became a point of stability to my wife and children. The kids thrived, my relationship with my wife became better than ever and I found I was good at this staying at home thing.

Some changes are subtle. My daughter was just shy of fifteen months old when I became a stay at home parent. My two boys, who were seven and eleven at the time, were fairly self sufficient so the bulk of my time was spent spoiling…er…taking care of my daughter. As you would expect, her and I became very close. This past school year she entered first grade. Just after Christmas I noticed I wasn’t my normal self. I wasn’t depressed, but I had only what I can describe as an empty feeling as though something were missing in my life. This past June as my wife and I lounged by the pool where my daughter was having a pool party for her seventh birthday, I confided in her how I was feeling.

“I think it’s like the empty nest thing," she said.

“How do you mean?" I asked.

“Well, with Katie in school all day, you don’t have her to take care of like you did before. I think that’s what is missing in your life."

My wife, being the wise person she is, had hit the nail on the head. It made sense that the one of our children that needed the most care, the one I spent the most time with and the one that depended on me most no longer needed me as much. This was the type of change that sneaks up on you and takes a while to figure out.

And now change looms again, the kind that comes out of no where and smacks you in the head! My wife, who is a Registered Nurse and had a management position making really good money, lost her job! She will be able to get a job pretty easily, but probably not in management or making the really good money she was making. This means I am faced with the prospect of getting a job outside the home. This is a change that affects everyone in my household. Am I excited about this change? No! Like I said, I detest change. However, I can take solace in the fact that I’ve redefined myself before and I can do it again. Though I hate change, I believe when all is said and done, we will be better off for it. I don’t know what this new chapter will bring, but I’m ready to face it and maybe even embrace it. After all, as Bob Dylan sang, “For the times they are a changing!"

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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by David Tanguay
 4 years 177 days ago.
Good story James, I hope you find the job you're looking for. I find sometimes change can be exciting. your new job may just prove me right. I hope so, good luck
» left by 4 years 177 days ago.
Thanks, David. I certainly hope to find something I enjoy. Very few people get paid to do something they really like. If only I could find someone who would pay me to write these articles!Thanks for your comments.
» left by Judi Lake
 4 years 175 days ago.
99 fans. Follow Judi Lake on twitter!
It's funny how our lives seem to change just when we least expect it. I imagine you needed to adjust once you became a stay at home dad but it also gave you an opportunity with your children that not many men have. I had to accept an end of a 3 year business partnership in my business which now leaves me venturing on an important project completely solo. Am I fearful? Well, I hate to admit it, but yes I am, James. But now you have me singing the Dylan song and maybe we can catch up in 6 months to compare notes. I truly wish you the very best and thanks for sharing this wonderfully honest article!
» left by 4 years 174 days ago.
Thanks for the kind words, Judi. I have been doing the job application and resume thing. I forgot what a pain in the booty it is! I hate it! But I will be glad wen I find something. I'm sure you will do just fine "flying solo" with your project. You could always offer me a job now that I'm looking for gainful employment! (Laughing) I'm kidding! Good luck with your project and keep singing Dylan!!
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