5 Parenting Rules I Live By
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2007
by James Carrick
Raising kids today can be a challenge, to say the least. It's a scary world out there and you can't be blamed for worrying. Parents today face an uphill battle with all the things available on the internet, the television filled with sex, violence, Britney and Paris. Society seems to be sliding into a cesspool and dragging our children with it.
We do not have a democratic government in our household, it's more of a tyranny, and I'm the tyrant! Now don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly and would give my life for them without question, but I also don't take any crap off of them! Now anyone with children will tell you that, most of the time, kids can be great. But sometimes they can be the meanest, most manipulative, ruthless little people you've ever met. If you show any weakness, they will pounce on you, tearing at your jugular vein like a rabid pack of wolves. Children are only worried about what affects them.
I have news for you people, kids need discipline and structure. Letting little Johnny do whatever he wants so as not to bruise his ego is asking for trouble. Here are some rules I live by.
1) JUST SAY NO! It’s okay to tell your kids no on a daily basis. I do it all the time. When I do there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but they live through it every time. Sure they get angry at me, sometimes even telling me they hate me. The trick is.....don't take it personally. (They don't REALLY hate you!!)
2) DON'T BE YOUR KID'S FRIEND! I'm not my kid's friend. I'm not their pal, their buddy or part of their posse. You know why? Because I'm their father and as their father I have to do things to them a friend wouldn't. Like tell them they have to be home by eleven, clean their room, you’re grounded, do your homework, help your mother, take out the trash and a myriad of other things that a friend would NEVER do! Once they are out of the house and get a taste of the real world.....then you can be friends.
3) IF YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING...DO IT! If you tell your kid to clean their room or else….be prepared to follow through with your threat. Nothing undermines your authority like not following through. If you don’t follow through, they won’t take your threat seriously.
4) SPEND TIME WITH THEM! Make quality time for them, whether it be going to the park, bike riding, playing video games or whatever! The point is, be there even when you have other stuff to do. It sets a good example and you and your children will be better off for it.
5) SUPPORT THEM NO MATTER WHAT! If your son wants to be an artist even though he can't draw a good stick figure...Support him anyway. If your daughter wants to be a ballerina despite not being able to walk across the room without tripping....support her anyway! It's good practice for when they find their "niche" and they will remember it.
This is just some of the rules I live by. I know raising kids can be difficult, but there is no better thing you can do in your life.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Bravo James! Your article is hard hitting and pulls no punches, written from a stay at home dad's perspective. Parents need to hear this no nonsense, old fashioned approach. Keep up the good work.Thank you for the comment, Cari. I know people who try to be "friends" with their children and the children are horrible. It just doesn't work in my humble opinion. I don't mind being the bad guy if it's going to keep one of my kids from doing something stupid. That's called "parenting!" My kids are very well adjusted, good kids. My wife and I often get comments about how polite and well mannered our children are. There is no better compliment than that!
This is such a great article. I write very similar ones. It is time out in allowing our children make their own way. That is truly one of the reason so much destruction is amongst them. I see so many parents allowing their children to dictate what they want to do. While bowing down to their EVERY want (not need). Thanks for this article!I'm glad you liked the article, Iris. Somewhere along the way parents forgot to be parents. Later today I will read your articles. Thank you for your kind commnts!
Good article, James. We told our kids to use us as a scapegoat anytime they were uncomfortable with a situation. It was fine to say, "I can't my mom and dad would ground me forever" or what ever fit. And it was true, we probably would have.Thank You, LM! By you being the scapegoat it saves your kids from being embarrassed. That is a great idea!
Good article and something some parents should pay attention to. I amazes me, how many little people are truly parenting themselves. We are not to be their buddy's but strong guides and support system. And you are right, the kids, as much as we love them, can be mean and manipulative. Thanks!Thanks for the kind words, Judi. I agree that we, as parents, need to be a guiding and supportive influence. I feel there is a constant power struggle between parents and their kids. Children will push to see how far they can get and if the parent gives in too much, it undermines their authority. Thanks for your supportive comments!
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